Monday, August 24, 2009

Grateful for a few people...

There's so many things happening lately... and i've reached my limit. Crashing down... crying hardly n so uncontrollable over my emotions. But there were some frens of mine who have really helped me, adviced me, n guided me. Some things are out of my control... i dont hv much choice but to obey. It isnt about fairness... or i did not think about fairness. I've did my very best... n after thinking n listening to some advice from my fren, n trying very hard to listen n think abt wat God wan me to do... i've finally come to a decision. I'll let go of everything... EVERYTHING! and forgive ppl who hv backstabbed, or sins against me...

Matthew 18:21-22

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"     22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." 
I will overcome this test with joy n not hatred... No matter how bad ppl treated me, no matter how rude they are... i'll be more n more patience. For i hv the strength given by Him. I'll be as generous just like what He had been in the past. However, I wont only be generous but also a cheerful giver.. i will not hesitate and regret what i've let go/given/bless others. For i knw, He will be pleased and the best is yet to come from Him. Here, i would like to sincerely thank my leader and a special fren of mine who tried to gv me jokes and advice, Jacob for supporting me and my decision when im superbly down and hurt; Kong for supporting n cheering me up when Im so so so STRESSED with my education thingy.. THANK YOU GUYS!!!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

My last memory of her...

Last wednesday (29 July 2009), i saw her smiling with something new n shining on her nose. I played with her, trying to touch her new nose piercing.. it's really beautiful. In her room, me, wan n she were discussing abt the ice breaker..whether o not to play the game that she had thought of but me n wan said "It's not that much fun. why dont we play heart attack?". After a few thinking, she made her mind... Cell group started, ice breaking time... we played heart attack. It was so funny to see our leader, Kevin's response a lil slow. The way he stare at the cards being thrown out by near to the table. Connie kept on saying,"Eh, dont put ur face so near eh.. later if u lost, u dance ya!". We all agreed but he just laugh n smile there... It was a happy moment we shared together in the house.


After cell group meeting, we went for dinner... on the way, we talked n laughed in the cheerful. After dinner, while chit-chatting... we talked nonstop. Some by pairs, some all together... there's one that i remembered. Because of sunday service is in the morning which is different from our church service in hometown, they couldnt wake up on time. This is because they needed to wake up at least 1.5 hrs earlier to put on makeup. So, we all thought of some solutions. Mei ling suggested that they stay over in Subang 2 so that they can wake up a lil late.. but they said..too many things to bring lehh... So, i suggested that they put on the make up a day earlier.. left it there whole nite.. no nid to clean it the next morning, so they'll just need a lil time to get ready. We all laughed.. Another solution came up, do their make up in the car.. but then, if Stephanie suddenly stop, make up will go stray esp eyeliner.. again we laughed. There was so much laughter that nite. We're all so happy n talked so much..


It's just too sudden when i got a call from Wan's mother at 11.40pm on thurs nite, asking whether im asleep, whether she had bothered me.. of cos i said no.. at first she sounded so calm, but there's something in her voice that is different. So, i asked,"aunty, what is it??". Aunty replied by saying,"Connie is in the hospital. She had an accident. Wan is in the hospital now, and 1 hour plus had past and no news from the doctor yet. Can you please go over to see Wan tml morning??She cried and is worried abt Connie's condition." I told her i will and dont worry. After the call ended, i started to send sms to my sis and Kevin, wrote a msg in FB, asking for prayers... At the same time, Brian was actually chatting with me in msn, so i told him the same thing, asking for prayers too. At the same time, I had a feeling that i must go to the hospital.. So, i started to look for cars..but because it's already midnite, not much ppl with car who is still online. So I asked Wuen,"U there? u have car? can i borrow?" but Wuen replied saying no cos she has given her car to her bro. She asked where do i nid to go, and i told her. She then said, "I ask Nicky." Nicky then asked me wat happen.. while in the mid of conversation, Kevin called and asked where am i, do i nid transport.. Thank God that he called. While waiting for him, i got a lot of calls from people all over the place. At 12.30am, he arrived at MU and we reached the hospital around 12.45am (if not mistaken). My sis had arrived but they were all waiting outside the Emergency Room at the road side. They said nobody can go in.. only the Guy's mother is inside now.


After waiting for a while, i asked the Guy's sister whether she can help and asked whether we, as the closest to the gal, can go in and get some news from the Doctor. She helped, and at last the security allow only one of us to go in. Wan managed to go in the quickest but she came out bursting with tears after a second. Instead, me n my sis went in... At the moment we saw her, she was in one room.. with neck braces and oxygen hose in her mouth. She was unconscious..we tried to call her by name but there's no response. After a while, the doctor came and asked who are we...telling us that she needed operation on her head and parent's signature is needed. But we told him, the parent is in the airport waiting to get the earlier air ticket to fly over. So, i asked whether i can sign it for as a guardian. The doctor, directly rejected me saying they will wait..if condition gets critical, they will sign it for her n push her for operation...There's so little i can do for her that time. After a long period, 2nd doctor asked again who can sign for her... this time i managed to ask her whether i can sign for her as Guardian. She then said yes but only if the parent appointed me as the Guardian. So, i made a quick call n told the doctor her mum appointed me as the Guardian edi..


While waiting to sign for the operation, the 1st Doctor came again saying... Go to the waiting room.. dont stay here. We'll sign it for her... but this time i dont really trust him anymore.. I did not go far but stay somewhere nearby to see for signals from the 2nd doc. the 2nd doc explaining to me all the details of the operation..telling me the worst outcome. She said that the worst outcome is she may be paralysed in the sense that her reflex n response will be slowed compared to normal. I asked whether she will be able to fully recover and she said yes but it all depends on her condition after the operation. Then, i signed.. but they took a long time to prepare all the things.. at 3am, i went with Connie to the neuroscience building for operation. Waited for her outside the operating theatre for 4 hours..while waiting, there's a malay guy sleeping on the floor inside the waiting room. i was scared  at first but i hv no choice. After hours passed, Kevin arrived and acc me to wait for her. At 7.40am, she was wheeled out n sent to the ICU. again, i needed to wait before i can actually go in and see her again. Around 8 something, the nurse said i can go in and see her... The nurse told us, the doctor is not here yet and they couldnt tell us anything. After i asked a few question, nurse said.. all the instrument installed on her looks stable and it seems not that critical. So, i was relieved and agreed on the nurse's advice to go and have breakfast while waiting for the doctor. However, on our way out for breakfast, we received a call from the hospital.


We rush back and met the doctor. The doctor refused to tell me anything at first.. but after i kept on asking and asked wat's the worst outcome, he then answered me saying her condition is very critical and parents needed to be here as soon as she reached. So, we waited for her mum and my sis to arrive. When her mum arrived with her ex, three of us went in together. Doctor immediately talked to us, telling us the details of her condition.


The doctor said she suffered brain injuiry and when she was admitted to the hospital, her brain was already showing weak signals and she's unconscious. Due to her bleeding in the brain, pressure arised causing obstruction to the blood flow into the brain. No blood flow, means no oxygen in the brain. Lack of oxygen even for seconds will cause the brain cells to die. When the brain cells died, means brain died cos brain cells do not regenerate. In order to survive, a person must have 2 important organs which are the brain and heart. But since, the brain is dead, he said she will not survive for she still survive is because of her heart . He also told us that, she shows no sign of improvement and before and after the operation, her brain did not show any signal at all and her heart is getting weaker.  Besides brain injuiry, he told us that she oso had some internal bleedings like lungs and other organs. He said that he had already tried their very best to hold on her life by using drugs to the max and equipment to support her. He then explained why brain will bleed.. He said, brain is a very very soft organ and the skull is very hard. When there is an impact, the brain will crushed to the skull causing itself to bleed. He did not said that they consumed alcohol, he did not assumed that they are speeding... cos he explained even 90km/hr will cause a very very big impact. So, do not misunderstand... After listening to the doctor, i asked whether there's any slight chances for her to regain conscious. He told us from his experience, there's none survivor and usually this type of cases, they will not send them for operation if they are old. It was because she's still young, they tried to save her. After listening to all his details, we all burst into tears..


I went out and hardly tell the others who have reached the hospital... calls were made to ask her relatives to reach asap. I do not knw how long will she survive but we all prayed for God's miracle to happen. However, God took her back at 9.10pm, away from pain and suffer....


We will always remember her in our hearts, her laughter, her crazy ideas and her jokes...Yes, it is too sudden but we have to be strong cos she wouldnt wan us to be sad n mourn for her. For she is with the LORD now, happier than before with no worries and pain.


In loving memory of Connie Yap S.M. (19 Oct 1990-31 July 2009)