Who Understands Me?

This question kept on popping in my head....

Who? Who understands me?

I've tried my very best to make sure everyone is happy with everything... I know their situation/condition well but other than this... wat else can I do? Is there anyone out there who understands me? I dont want to complain... n I did not. I did not say NO or give excuses or complaints that I have too much things to do and dont want this and that.

When you show me faces, do you know how I felt? It hurts me.. I dont like ppl who talks about me at the back. I dont like people complaining at the back. If you dont like it, tell me.. if you wan to change, tell me... if I can change something, i'll try my very best to change. But if I cant, will you try to understand me and try to tolerate? Not one but few... it's like slicing my heart into slices.

I know it really test me a lot.... or mayb it's a lesson for me to learn. To learn to be better... to learn to be more patience.. to learn to love more.

I am thankful to ppl who has helped me a lot... Really thankful. You know who you are... thank you so much.

I am sad and hurt but when I got home, something was shining/blinking so brightly at the top of the staircase. =) so happy that it actually cheered me up a little... but tears flow down when I got back in my tiny little space.. He Comforted me in some ways... He's the Only One who understands me well.. No one knws how I feel deep in my heart, but He knew all.. The question has been answered... He is the Only One.

"Think about His love. His immeasurable love is for us, for you and me."

Convent

I'm proud of my Franciscan friends.. Time flies~ 9 yrs in a blink of an eye. I do felt that we're getting old.. (i mean our age, but still young at heart. hahaha~ altho, some became mommy edi). lol~

Some became doctors, some engineers, some lawyers, some artiste, some lecturers/teachers, some dunno~ too many.. cant rmb! So proud of them.... All became more n more prettier each and every day. All u can see is..... sexay lady!~ XD

While I was browsing through some webpage, youtubes, look what I found! A very nice song... although I'm not very into Malay song.. but this one.. definitely a *thumbs up* song. I miss listening to her voice actually.. She used to sing Mariah Carey's song (cos that's her idol), she's one of our vocalist.. A soprano voice, can b soft, distinct, & powerful!

Following is the youtube video:

Another Franciscan vocalist, my senior, wow~ she's so famous among the orang putih now.. haha!

I miss The Bestarians, I miss SFC, I miss everyone in KK and I also miss KK's foods... ='(

Anyone coming? wanna tapao some food for me?? Errmm... I want dumplings, durian/choc swiss roll cakes, etc etc.

Sorry

I am so sorry if i've mistreated/scolded/forgetting/neglecting or talking to you in a manner which is improper to you. Very very very sorry. Please forgive me.

It's been a very very bz week for me. I admit that I'm very blur/confused/sleepy/short tempered recently. I apologize!

I know i've hurt someone when she asked me that very same question. ='( she was so upset. She said sorry to me.. She sounded so sad. I am so sorry. At first, I dont feel like replying her msg (cos I got very annoyed and irritated by her after 3 days of calls), but Holy Spirit rebuked/scolded me. Felt so uncomfortable and hurt at the same time. After 16 hours, i replied her msg. Realizing that a word of comfort is very important to her.

If it happens to you too, I just wanted to say I am sorry. I dont mean to. Mayb i've been a lil harsh without realizing it. Please forgive me.

Wish to say NO

Sometimes I really wish to say NO.

No for everything.

No for every favour ppl asked for.

No for all the tasks that have been given to me.

No for putting on a mask.

No for being so kind.

No for taking all the responsibilities when it is initially none of my business.

Why should I be so kind? Why should I help everyone? Why should I bombard myself with all these stresses? Why should I be the only person doing all of this?

I know I know.. ppl will gv me the same answers. I know I know I KNOW!

How I wish ppl will be considerate enough.. how I wish ppl will be kind enough to help... how I wish ppl will be polite... I wish ppl know how to communicate well. I did not say I'm always correct.. I'm perfect.. or I know everything but be kind in all ways pls.

I'm worried, I'm stressed up, I'm hurt.. I've thought of abandoning everything, leave this place and go home.

But God is graceful to me... He knew I'm suffocating.. I told him I dont feel like doing anything last nite. I thought I cant slp well... I thought my mind will be blank. I never ever thought that He will gv me a sweet dream. An unexpected dream... A dream that doesn't relate to any of my tension. A vacation, a happy moment to be remembered, a dream that actually cheer me up with a joke... Thank you so much.  

Short circuit

I cant slp well these few days.. T.T feels like a lil insonmia. I forgot what I dreamt of on mon nite...but ytd nite was like... Joyful & Merry-go-around in my brain/subconscious. @.@

Hmm.... how should I start? There are too many projects on hand currently & too many works nid to be done in office too. Well, office works... do it only in office la.. but dance projects.. har! this one starts rite after working time. Ytd, i was playing the songs nonstop.. thinking n thinking. Browsing youtubes for more ideas... one of it was single ladies (cos they hv some jazz steps). But honestly, i dont really like tat song... somehow, tat song was playing all nite in my head instead of the "God rest ye merry gentlemen". @.@ all the jazz moves.. the props... my gosh! it's too happening la in my subconscious. Super sleepy now... sigghh...

Well... December, you better be good! Dance moves u better make a good impression... since u made my subconscious super joyful. Awaiting for december... 3, 18, 23, both 25 christmas dance. Gayao ar, CYS!

Conjunctivitis

Sigh! Why in the world my eye chose to b infected at this day?

It started to get itchy & red on wed nite.. Thursday morning.. it swells. Then, okay... with reduced puffiness & redness. Thought it will be orite by today. Seen my optometrist.. he said, "Hmm.. no corneal ***(dunno wat they called edi). Should b only inflammation. Only some type of conjunctiva inflammation."

Then, went off to see doctor... gave me some prescription with an antibiotic eyedrop. Got 2 days mc... so lucky! I can just cancelled off my annual leave and change it to mc. Reached home around 3pm. Rest and nap a while... when I woke up, it freaks me out. =.= it got worst... both upper and lower eyelid were swollen. Can barely open my right eye. sighhh.... n tml is Ann's big day. Guess i nid to say bye bye to contact lens and makeup. Nid to wear a nerdy spec/sun glasses to cover my eye edi... if it really got worst, i'm not even sure whether I can attend the memorial event. T.T

Oh God, I need your healing..

p.s Dont freak out ok? it's me.. not other ppl. =)) scroll down if you r ready.

Updates

Hmm... been keeping all these pics in my phone for quite some time. As you all know, it's monsoon season.. so, it's been raining heavily recently. Look at some pics that I've got last few weeks..

Super dark clouds coming towards our direction.. >.<

We're being engulfed by the dark clouds... waiting to be hit by the super heavy drops of rain.

No more pics edi.... Raining too heavily that time.. cant even see the road. @.@

So, we're finished with the boring topic and now let's go on with what I have.... Hehhee... both Ojiejies and aunt came back from their UK-Europe trip and bought me lotsa souvenirs... Love it so so so so much. Got a nice shirt from Esprit, Nice cap from dunno where... Loccitane Butter Shea Body cream, 2 cans of my favourite cranberry juice.. Slurrrpp! a box of choc nougat with alcohol from dunno where.. one of the place la.. I also dont rmb...mayb germany? and a box of Kinder Bueno!! woot!! My FAV! ahaha~~ Love my sistas n aunt!

 Thank U veli muchie!

Ooppss... let's not forget abt this one.. hehehe~ Another souvenir from my sis.... A pen from switzerland with a super cute cow on top of the pen. Cute~ Thank u, sandra!

With lotsa chocolates piling up in my room n office, look what I've got here too! additional choc.... =))

Patchi Choc from our ex-staff. Yuuummmyy~~~ Love it!

 Today....... I bought a lot of things too! but my purse vomit blood edi.. T.T anyone wanna help me?? anyone wanna sponsor me this month?? XD nvm la... I'm not that poor what. I'm rich..... rich in heaven? ^^ hopefully~ 

I bought all of these today.... as u can see... it's all make up things.. @.@ stock for my dancers makeup. haha~ no la... some r my personal use.. two for ann.. 1 extra thing (if u notice that) which does not belong to this category of things.... is for one of my dancer. hehe~  FYI, I bought... eyelashes, 3 additional brushes for my collection, glue, MAC new glitter series, Ann's eyeliner, a concealer, brushes bag. =D super happie! But it's like... abt rm400 edi.. T.T

The MAC items! with ann's MAC fluidline eyeliner in blacktrack.

~These are mine~

A new house for my brushes! Neat & Tidy! woot woot! love it so so so much!

Next thing to buy is...the make up box. ^^

A new concealer that I found from Lash Bar. Gonna try it... very cheap! only rm25.. We'll see how it cover up all those blemishes and brighten up the dark circle. If it's good... will definitely buy it again. hehehe~

Nah, that's all for now la... Just wanna share how happy am I with those souvenirs & makeup tools. haha~ U must hv said.."ceh! better dont read this rubbish."

Thank u veli much for spending ur time here la... LOL!